A friend called and wanted to talk. She came into my office, sat with her backs to those big windows in ways I could only see her silhouette, she said that she did not care about anything anymore; she wanted to jump off the cliff and kill herself; for her there was nothing that would stop her and she was ready to get out of this horrible life. Another friend dropped by to say that she was hurting; she gave and gave, but no one loved her back; her trust was betrayed; people stepped on her like dirt. These are stories that our neighbours share with us. They are God’s grace, pains of suffering God, pointing us to life that is love.
How so? How could these broken people and their lives of pain and suffering be the very grace of God that we read about in our Holy Scriptures? Are they not living the consequences of their mismanaged lives? Are they not paying for wrong choices they made?
If we do not know anything about God’s grace, if we think that we live lives of our own making—that is, we believe that our comfortable life is due to our hard work—and that all that we have belongs to us for our own pleasure, then, we do not see in them the presence of one who loved us even unto death on the cross. Instead of seeing Christ in them we only see people deserving pain and suffering for their pathetic choices. In them we see nothing but missed opportunities to better themselves and therefore are nothing more than people who failed in life. Instead of loving, we pity them. They become objects of our charitable programs; we do not see them as partners in life journey.
On the other hand if we are grateful for what we have been entrusted with, if we experience God’s grace daily in all that we do, and if we have been recipients of God’s generosity even when we have not been deserving of it, then, we can begin to see and witness how God comes to us and gives us grace.
When we come to a point of receiving encounters with those who are broken and are suffering terribly in our world as God’s grace being entrusted to us, we become fellow pilgrims in life more than willing to share where we find our food.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Loving
To be in love, we wait for love. That's the way we think. That is, we expect others to love us the way we are without condition. We wait for someone to love us completely. Yet, we desire that those who will love us so would be the kind of people whom we have been dreaming about. That is, we hope that those who will love us so completely will be those who already are ones whom we can love without condition. Outward appearances ought to please us, the way they listen to us ought to be completely open and non-judgmental, the way they care for us ought to be always gentle etc. You get the picture. But this is the opposite of what really happens when we begin to love or fall in love.
One truth about love is that we choose to love someone first: we do not wait for that other person to love us and then we decide whether s/he deserves our love in return. Children show this behaviour the best. If they do not like someone or do not want to go near someone, no matter how much that someone loves them, they ignore or show very little interest. If they like someone and want to be liked by someone, they do all kinds of things to draw the attention of that person.
Let me say it again. To be in loving relationship, we have chosen someone to love first. Then, we wait for that person to love us in return. This is why loving can be so fragile and nerve racking. We have given of ourselves first. Now we wait in hope that my love will be returned in kind and that we are love completely without condition. As I begin to love someone, I find myself to be very sensitive about whether the other person will love me back or now. I pay great deal of attention to see how I am loved back. I get very upset if my love is ignored or not appreciated. Yet the fact that I chose to love that person does not change no matter how hurt I become over the lack of love from that person.
God chose to love us first. Like an ugly aunt whom we paid no attention because we want to find handsome or beautiful person who could fulfill me and could make me feel beautiful, likeable, popular and desirable instead, we ignore God. That is, getting a celebrity like a movie star or famous politician to count her as my friend is more satisfying to me than being recognized by a homeless person, we think.
The whole thing about faith is all about God choosing to love us and wait us to love God through Christ in return. In the same way we see someone we want to be loved by—that is, we choose someone to love—and love her/him secretly first in hope of receiving her/his love in return. We get embarrassed and upset when our love, which was in secret or in open, is rejected. God, like a secret love, waits patiently even when we ignore, belittle, and embarrass God in public and private.
Here is a way of seeing it more personally. Imagine me as that ugly and dirty person you see at a corner of your street every day and think of what might happen. I see that you are beautiful. I, therefore, choose to love you. I fully expect you to ignore and be upset when you find out that I love you. I know that my love for you will embarrass you because I am not your ideal type. You seek someone who is better looking, more caring, able in fulfilling you and completing you; You do not want to be seen with me, but I keep telling you that I love you by the way I smile, try to get attention and show up unexpectedly. You try to ignore, stay away, avoid, and hide from me. Yet, I am always around. Well, that is how God’s love for you is like.
As a Christian I have come to love you much the same way. (Well, I do not stalk you and embarrass you in public.) In a way it is like a father waiting for the return of his prodigal child. In many way, loving you meant that I had no choice but to love you—in actual fact, I was happy to choose to love you because you are a beautiful person in whom Christ is in you—and have loved you ever since I made that decision. I was so willing because I saw that God chose to love you long before you ever knew that you are lovable.
In this love, I wait in hope that you will see what love is and choose to love someone as God loves you and as I love you. That is, I hope that my love for you will remind you in a very small way how God loves you so that you may choose to love someone the same way steadfastly. Just remember, though, in this way of loving, you will wonder why the one whom you love do not love you back, why the person to whom you give everything does not even care to acknowledge you in any way, but considers you to be an embarrassment, and why you are the last to get any response. True love as shown to us by God in Christ is that it is without condition. It does not wait to be loved back in order to continue loving. It is given freely and steadfastly. It is always there in full power.
That is the thing about love. When the other person (people) rejects, hurts, betrays, or even embarrasses me (us) we continue to love them. That is how God loves us after all.
One truth about love is that we choose to love someone first: we do not wait for that other person to love us and then we decide whether s/he deserves our love in return. Children show this behaviour the best. If they do not like someone or do not want to go near someone, no matter how much that someone loves them, they ignore or show very little interest. If they like someone and want to be liked by someone, they do all kinds of things to draw the attention of that person.
Let me say it again. To be in loving relationship, we have chosen someone to love first. Then, we wait for that person to love us in return. This is why loving can be so fragile and nerve racking. We have given of ourselves first. Now we wait in hope that my love will be returned in kind and that we are love completely without condition. As I begin to love someone, I find myself to be very sensitive about whether the other person will love me back or now. I pay great deal of attention to see how I am loved back. I get very upset if my love is ignored or not appreciated. Yet the fact that I chose to love that person does not change no matter how hurt I become over the lack of love from that person.
God chose to love us first. Like an ugly aunt whom we paid no attention because we want to find handsome or beautiful person who could fulfill me and could make me feel beautiful, likeable, popular and desirable instead, we ignore God. That is, getting a celebrity like a movie star or famous politician to count her as my friend is more satisfying to me than being recognized by a homeless person, we think.
The whole thing about faith is all about God choosing to love us and wait us to love God through Christ in return. In the same way we see someone we want to be loved by—that is, we choose someone to love—and love her/him secretly first in hope of receiving her/his love in return. We get embarrassed and upset when our love, which was in secret or in open, is rejected. God, like a secret love, waits patiently even when we ignore, belittle, and embarrass God in public and private.
Here is a way of seeing it more personally. Imagine me as that ugly and dirty person you see at a corner of your street every day and think of what might happen. I see that you are beautiful. I, therefore, choose to love you. I fully expect you to ignore and be upset when you find out that I love you. I know that my love for you will embarrass you because I am not your ideal type. You seek someone who is better looking, more caring, able in fulfilling you and completing you; You do not want to be seen with me, but I keep telling you that I love you by the way I smile, try to get attention and show up unexpectedly. You try to ignore, stay away, avoid, and hide from me. Yet, I am always around. Well, that is how God’s love for you is like.
As a Christian I have come to love you much the same way. (Well, I do not stalk you and embarrass you in public.) In a way it is like a father waiting for the return of his prodigal child. In many way, loving you meant that I had no choice but to love you—in actual fact, I was happy to choose to love you because you are a beautiful person in whom Christ is in you—and have loved you ever since I made that decision. I was so willing because I saw that God chose to love you long before you ever knew that you are lovable.
In this love, I wait in hope that you will see what love is and choose to love someone as God loves you and as I love you. That is, I hope that my love for you will remind you in a very small way how God loves you so that you may choose to love someone the same way steadfastly. Just remember, though, in this way of loving, you will wonder why the one whom you love do not love you back, why the person to whom you give everything does not even care to acknowledge you in any way, but considers you to be an embarrassment, and why you are the last to get any response. True love as shown to us by God in Christ is that it is without condition. It does not wait to be loved back in order to continue loving. It is given freely and steadfastly. It is always there in full power.
That is the thing about love. When the other person (people) rejects, hurts, betrays, or even embarrasses me (us) we continue to love them. That is how God loves us after all.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Danger Ahead!
In psychology, cognitive dissonance theory attempts to study how our minds try to reconcile radically different ideas to make sense of our world. For example, when the reality is so different from our beliefs, we find ways to make sense that are advantageous to our beliefs even if this means that we bend truth and facts.
About a year ago, a marketer did an experiment—a variation of this has been seen everywhere including the one that involved a famous perfume—in which a group of people were served frozen food in a somewhat dirty looking restaurant first. They were asked to rate their food. Then, they were taken to a fancy up-class looking restaurant where ambiance resembled the first class with well dressed waiters and waitresses serving the same food with finer china and cutleries with quiet pleasing music being played in the back ground. Again they were asked to rate their food. The same people rated the food they ate in a fancy restaurant better and tastier. Our own perception of our environment persuades us to put aside the facts.
Our minds play tricks on us. Cognitive dissonance experiments remind us that our belief plays very important role in how we see the world. The difficulty is that we are shaded by the very faith we have has been used to iron out many difficult realities we face. Our faith, if not instilled properly, will mislead us and makes us build the world that is not real. This is why some will insist on believing things even when every truth and fact point away from what they believe.
We forget that God we think of and refer to is an image shaped by what we learned from our parents, teachers and our communities. In this sense, more than often we believe not in God who is but God whom we can make sense of in our lives. A warning for us all, indeed!
About a year ago, a marketer did an experiment—a variation of this has been seen everywhere including the one that involved a famous perfume—in which a group of people were served frozen food in a somewhat dirty looking restaurant first. They were asked to rate their food. Then, they were taken to a fancy up-class looking restaurant where ambiance resembled the first class with well dressed waiters and waitresses serving the same food with finer china and cutleries with quiet pleasing music being played in the back ground. Again they were asked to rate their food. The same people rated the food they ate in a fancy restaurant better and tastier. Our own perception of our environment persuades us to put aside the facts.
Our minds play tricks on us. Cognitive dissonance experiments remind us that our belief plays very important role in how we see the world. The difficulty is that we are shaded by the very faith we have has been used to iron out many difficult realities we face. Our faith, if not instilled properly, will mislead us and makes us build the world that is not real. This is why some will insist on believing things even when every truth and fact point away from what they believe.
We forget that God we think of and refer to is an image shaped by what we learned from our parents, teachers and our communities. In this sense, more than often we believe not in God who is but God whom we can make sense of in our lives. A warning for us all, indeed!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting has become a difficult thing. I saw a young child fidgeting after less than 30 seconds waiting on a line at MacDonalds Restaurant. I saw a young woman getting upset at standing in line to buy her clothes at a mall. An adult driver who flipped me a bird for not going fast enough or getting out of her way when she approached behind me at a doubled the speed rate on a street. I see myself being impatient when a waiter takes more than three minutes after I am seated to get my order.
A friend finally sent me a reply to my e-mail—after three weeks. In that time, I felt ignored and not valued as a friend. Why? Because e-mail is supposed to be replied as quickly as possible—at least that is what we think, don’t we? If I am texting, I do want the other person to respond to me immediately instead of making me wait for five long minutes. If I e-mail someone, I would like to have a reply at least within 24 hours. Okay, I will wait 48 hours at the most. If not, I send another e-mail.
Waiting has become a difficult art. It requires patience and lots of practice for us to become good at it. This is sad because we, even those of us who are glued to our tech gadgets, used to be good at waiting. Remember how you waited for Christmas to come to open your gifts?
Now, we do not know how to wait. Waiting makes us feel ignored, stood-up, etc. Silence, therefore, has become a punishment rather than a joy. But the best part about getting a gift of friendship is waiting, no?
Waiting has become a difficult thing. I saw a young child fidgeting after less than 30 seconds waiting on a line at MacDonalds Restaurant. I saw a young woman getting upset at standing in line to buy her clothes at a mall. An adult driver who flipped me a bird for not going fast enough or getting out of her way when she approached behind me at a doubled the speed rate on a street. I see myself being impatient when a waiter takes more than three minutes after I am seated to get my order.
A friend finally sent me a reply to my e-mail—after three weeks. In that time, I felt ignored and not valued as a friend. Why? Because e-mail is supposed to be replied as quickly as possible—at least that is what we think, don’t we? If I am texting, I do want the other person to respond to me immediately instead of making me wait for five long minutes. If I e-mail someone, I would like to have a reply at least within 24 hours. Okay, I will wait 48 hours at the most. If not, I send another e-mail.
Waiting has become a difficult art. It requires patience and lots of practice for us to become good at it. This is sad because we, even those of us who are glued to our tech gadgets, used to be good at waiting. Remember how you waited for Christmas to come to open your gifts?
Now, we do not know how to wait. Waiting makes us feel ignored, stood-up, etc. Silence, therefore, has become a punishment rather than a joy. But the best part about getting a gift of friendship is waiting, no?
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