Loving

To be in love, we wait for love. That's the way we think. That is, we expect others to love us the way we are without condition. We wait for someone to love us completely. Yet, we desire that those who will love us so would be the kind of people whom we have been dreaming about. That is, we hope that those who will love us so completely will be those who already are ones whom we can love without condition. Outward appearances ought to please us, the way they listen to us ought to be completely open and non-judgmental, the way they care for us ought to be always gentle etc. You get the picture. But this is the opposite of what really happens when we begin to love or fall in love.

One truth about love is that we choose to love someone first: we do not wait for that other person to love us and then we decide whether s/he deserves our love in return. Children show this behaviour the best. If they do not like someone or do not want to go near someone, no matter how much that someone loves them, they ignore or show very little interest. If they like someone and want to be liked by someone, they do all kinds of things to draw the attention of that person.

Let me say it again. To be in loving relationship, we have chosen someone to love first. Then, we wait for that person to love us in return. This is why loving can be so fragile and nerve racking. We have given of ourselves first. Now we wait in hope that my love will be returned in kind and that we are love completely without condition. As I begin to love someone, I find myself to be very sensitive about whether the other person will love me back or now. I pay great deal of attention to see how I am loved back. I get very upset if my love is ignored or not appreciated. Yet the fact that I chose to love that person does not change no matter how hurt I become over the lack of love from that person.

God chose to love us first. Like an ugly aunt whom we paid no attention because we want to find handsome or beautiful person who could fulfill me and could make me feel beautiful, likeable, popular and desirable instead, we ignore God. That is, getting a celebrity like a movie star or famous politician to count her as my friend is more satisfying to me than being recognized by a homeless person, we think.

The whole thing about faith is all about God choosing to love us and wait us to love God through Christ in return. In the same way we see someone we want to be loved by—that is, we choose someone to love—and love her/him secretly first in hope of receiving her/his love in return. We get embarrassed and upset when our love, which was in secret or in open, is rejected. God, like a secret love, waits patiently even when we ignore, belittle, and embarrass God in public and private.

Here is a way of seeing it more personally. Imagine me as that ugly and dirty person you see at a corner of your street every day and think of what might happen. I see that you are beautiful. I, therefore, choose to love you. I fully expect you to ignore and be upset when you find out that I love you. I know that my love for you will embarrass you because I am not your ideal type. You seek someone who is better looking, more caring, able in fulfilling you and completing you; You do not want to be seen with me, but I keep telling you that I love you by the way I smile, try to get attention and show up unexpectedly. You try to ignore, stay away, avoid, and hide from me. Yet, I am always around. Well, that is how God’s love for you is like.

As a Christian I have come to love you much the same way. (Well, I do not stalk you and embarrass you in public.) In a way it is like a father waiting for the return of his prodigal child. In many way, loving you meant that I had no choice but to love you—in actual fact, I was happy to choose to love you because you are a beautiful person in whom Christ is in you—and have loved you ever since I made that decision. I was so willing because I saw that God chose to love you long before you ever knew that you are lovable.

In this love, I wait in hope that you will see what love is and choose to love someone as God loves you and as I love you. That is, I hope that my love for you will remind you in a very small way how God loves you so that you may choose to love someone the same way steadfastly. Just remember, though, in this way of loving, you will wonder why the one whom you love do not love you back, why the person to whom you give everything does not even care to acknowledge you in any way, but considers you to be an embarrassment, and why you are the last to get any response. True love as shown to us by God in Christ is that it is without condition. It does not wait to be loved back in order to continue loving. It is given freely and steadfastly. It is always there in full power.

That is the thing about love. When the other person (people) rejects, hurts, betrays, or even embarrasses me (us) we continue to love them. That is how God loves us after all.